One must close the door behind him before he can open another one before him.
02.08.2010 - 10.08.2010 29 °C
I could do anything. Anyone can. If only I knew what it was though. Truth is, it can be so many things! I think we are a generation that has been encouraged to multi-task and be so many different things and to acquire so many skills, technical but creative, social but individualistic, explore the world but be stable as well. We can really do anything, be anyone and go anywhere but we don't always know how, where or what because there are so many options. What does one choose?
Shall I recap? --> Robert Frost - The Road Not Taken (1920)
What road do we choose? And if we choose one, can it not be that the two roads converge once more? Or perhaps when the one road that we chose finally ends, we turn left or right and embark on a new one. Who knows.
I have been interviewing for jobs here in NY and it's official. Writing is a masochistic career. It's final and confimed. I suspected it when I was doing my leisurely writing back home and now it is true. Craigslist has so many ads for writers, whether they are internships, part-time positions, full-time demands or 'a great opportunity', 95% of them are unpaid. Unpaid. If you're a student, an internship is great. But if you've completed your formal education and are now looking to live, make money and enjoy what you do (like all those self-help books tell people they need to follow), this is NO option! This is unrealistic.
Are scientists asked to produce a formula for medicine free of charge? Do business grads generate an analysis report for free? Do investment bankers double your money at no cost? Why do writers have to write for free? Is a pen not valuable? The mind of word not good enough? After all, without the mind of a writer and the use of a pen (or finger to type for that matter), there would be no branding or messaging for any job or company in the world. Have those with a knack for writing and a way with words created a monster? At almost every job I left, the managers thought they could replace marketing writers and the like in a minute. And each time, I was witness to how many recruitments followed until the right one fell into their hands.
One thing is for sure. I will encourage my children to study professions, calculated professions, where you can actually measure the success because you know what, words are words and as beautiful, deep and illustrative as they may be when put together, when you add them all up, they don't necessarily spell the word 'salary' and even more so, they most likely won't buy you the house that you want. Look at how many books are at Barnes & Noble. Do you think all of them have the house that the want? Travel as much as they dream? Very unlikely. We must be sensible and practical and totally realistic.
I have had a number of job opportunities presented before me in the last week and I have declined them all. To write for free, requiring a commitment to live in NYC, working for an obnoxious individual. I'm just not interested in giving up my freedom of choice so fast for another boss, for another compromise. It's not the time.
So I intend to do what I can find. And on September 10th, I am returning to Argentina to continue the adventures of where I left off. The romances in NYC have left me unsatisfied, the difficulty other people express in opening up and breaking the barries of shyness, the life that entailed 'live to work, work to live' (banks here are open on Saturday), having to schedule a week in advance for a one-hour coffee with a friend, all of these do not add up to my idea of a great, dynamic and interesting life. Life is what you make it, it's true, but here, life makes you.
And to sum up.. last night I witnessed a chain of the most craziest emails of my life. A sublet tenant disappointed in not receiving a five start 'hotel'. The endless harassments and complaints and threats left me in shock and unable to sleep. And truth is, I have been putting off this decision for far too long! I should have vacated the apartment in July. And so, action calls. I have notified my landlord that the apartment will be vacated on September 10th. The day I leave to Buenos Aires. And it's no coincidence. Life was telling me I had to do this almost 3 months ago but I did not listen. I waited. When it's time to let go, it's time. And the lesson? You must close one door behind you to open a new one before you. And this is representative of my need to find a new home for the coming year. Interesting huh? If ever a person lived whose life could be measured by the words of wisdom so many people before us and in our times have shared, it is I! But it's all good.
P.S. I received an email from someone of the past last week. I had to rub my eyes a few times to make sure it was really him. Just an email asking me, 'darling', how I am and WHERE I am and giving me a brief update of life down south in Argentina. But really, how can I be surprised. They always come back. I can not be disappointed once more. Words are only words.